i haven't updated in a while, because i have been ridiculously busy at work.

but everything is going peachy. work is work. and i'm making alright money. the whole school thing is getting stressful. and i'm just going crazy here. i seriously just wish sometimes, i'd be out on my own. not living with anyone. i know that'd be hard. but i think it'd be worth it. but other times i love it here. the not paying much for anything and stuff. i don't know.

i probably shouldn't have started this because i obviously didn't go any where with it. maybe i'll update later.

So I'm sitting here in my defensive driving class and I don't like anyone here. But I have to be here so I can not be in so much trouble.
Anywho, I was thinking the other night, why would I waste so much time being sad and depressed about something that I can't really control. I mean I can somewhat control it, but at the same time, I can't. And I don't think that's what my energy needs to be wasted on. I look in all the wrong places. I want it to happen so badly, so I put myself out there. I don't keep eggs in several baskets, they all go in the same one. So I mean, eventually, I figure something will happen. I guess I should just calm down and not focus on who I want it to be or where I'm gonna find it. I'm 18. I'm just lonely. I know exactly what I want in someone and I've decided not to settle for anything less.

working is such a pain. i wished i worked some where that would have less trashy people come in. in no way am i trying to be rude, but seriously, there are some seriously...trashy people that come in to my work place. i wish it was a little more relaxed, and that i could wear a ball cap. but, instead, its a corporate company which means my life there will be hell until i quit. i love the people i work with, don't get me wrong. they're all like a family there. but its just so...frustrating.

the dating life i have completely given up on. it changes so much when you're out of high school. and i'm sure it will change once i start school. but its just this slump. i guess i'm putting out a bad image, says my mother. but really, i just haven't found anybody who likes me for who i am. ha, how dumb. but, i mean, its true. the guys i do find that would be a possible selection are taken or not interested. so i mean, for now i'm done. if someone comes along, great. if not, no big. i have a lot of growing up to do and a lot of money to make so i can get out of this house, so i need to really get a move on. i would start a second job, but i work so much at my current job, i don't think i'd have time. and i certainly wouldn't have any time to myself. which i need.

ehhh. who cares! i feel like i complain a lot on here, buuut, i'm really happy! i promise! (:

i want to be that girl that he just can't get enough of. the one who he feels like he needs to talk to or he feels lost. i don't want to be a burden. i want to feel wanted and needed... maybe i'm being needy. but i just want to be appealing to someone. you know? i want the little things that i do, to stand out to someone... to make them smile when i do them. the way i talk with my hands, the way i put my hair up in a bun. i want someone to tell me i'm pretty when i don't feel like it. but most of all, i want them to be sincere. i don't want them to say it just because they know its what i want to hear. and trust me, i know when someone is b.s.ing something. because, i'm the queen of it. i am a good liar. and i can pick liars out of crowd. so don't think you're fooling me.

i just want to be that someone. and when i take a leap, a leap, that quite frankly, i'm not even ready to take, just to go out on a limb, give it a try, i get put off...

so, nothing has really happened lately. my friend came in from missouri, and i didn't realize how much i really missed his company until he got here. we went and hung out in the rain last night after i got off work. work is its own subject and i'm starting to really hate it. i would just work night shifts, but morning shifts allow me to do all the things i like to do in the evening, mainly church activities. but, i guess this is where i have to be grown up and decide, do i want money or fun? so of course, i'm going to choose money. well i'm picking up all these shifts that i need, but not making any money. the last two days i've made like 30 bucks.. well, not including last night, i meant like last two morning shifts. and that's combined! not seperate! it really sucks, but i really like the people there. they are all really fun and nice. well, by nice, i mean to each other. not to me. haha well, they are kidding. which is good, because i have the same sense of humor. on another note, my blackberry got the best of me, and i gave up on it. i am now back to my old razor, which was really hard because it had unexpected pictures and videos of me and someone i'd rather not even mention. buuuut, i am ready for this weekend. and i am ready for the fun things that are bound to happen. i wish i had more interesting things to talk about. but right now, because i'm not in school, my life is super boring.

(:

blog-tastic

Have you ever felt like you are so stressed about everything, it might just stay for a while?
I just feel like I really messed up this time, ya know? The next six months is going to be really hard. But maybe, I'm just stuck on the small big, when God is trying to show me the big one.
I have some large, hard decisions to make. To be frank, I should have made them a year ago, when everyone else was doing it.
I am such a procrastinator.
On a lighter note, I love my job! I forgot how much I missed working in a restaurant. I loved working at Coach's. Well, I loved the people there. And Cheddar's, its just the same! Everyone is really nice and I'm pretty much the baby still. Which has its good and bad qualities! I really want to be living in a dorm right now.
One, being because everyone will be up at the same time as me and I won't be left in a big house by myself with nothing to do but creep on facebook. Two, because of the freedom I will have that I don't have now. I love the fact that my parents care and love me, but I'm feeling slightly suffocated. Three, because I'm ready to meet new people, have new friends and new memories! Its going to be expensive and stressful, but I'm okay with that...for now!
I really want to stay in Norman, because of the whole job thing and friends that I have made here! But Weatherford would be great too, because it would be new, and its a small town, and far enough from my parents, but not too far to visit. I don't know.
There are pros and cons for both, and I don't want to think about them.
I don't want to make these decisions.
But I don't want someone else to make it for me.
It really depends on how much money I get. And what my ACT score turns out to be in a few weeks!

I wish it would be like the second week in November. Or end of March.
Either one, would be fantastic.